This morning was full of tantrums. Paige and I are still sick. She is nearly three, and is acting like a teenager. Add on the refusal to wipe a nose, yet wanting help but not really wanting help with everything from going to the potty to getting out a juice box... and my head is ready to explode.
So we packed up pretty quickly this morning and headed to the beach.
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I've never really thought much of August. Growing up, it was a means to an end... the pit in my stomach of anxiety and excitement and wonder started early August, getting ready for the newness of the school year. Even though I was homeschooled through 8th grade, I still got excited for the beginning of school. There were still unknowns. Fresh pencils and crisp notebooks. And Autumn. I love Autumn.
And then years went by, and in March of 2005, while planning a May 2006 wedding, all of a sudden I thought of August. Of that year. And ditching the big'ish wedding for a smaller one. At Pickity Place. Under a tent. In August. It had to be that August.
So on August 6th of 2005 Lucas and I were wed. And it was beautiful. And I was so full of love I thought I might burst.
Fast forward a few years, and we're entering August of 2008 with a bouncing 21 month old, and a belly full of baby. Waiting. Anticipating. During the hot, sticky, Olympic month of August, Paige was born. And all of a sudden our family was complete and there we were a family of four.
Emily just welcomed her second baby boy, and I told her to be kind to herself in these early mothering of two days. I remember. August is the month where I remember hot-full-of-hormones-huge-tears stinging my cheeks, sitting on the edge of a bed wondering why my belly still looked so full, but why I had no clothes to wear and how on earth did I give birth to two babies and now I'm responsible for both and how is it that my heart hasn't burst as I've never felt so.much.love ever before?
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And now August is a special month. It always has been, but it took a marriage and two babies for me to realize that this month is, and will always be, full. Full of memories and anticipation of a favorite season, and full of life.
My babies and I stood in the ocean this morning. The waves were calm, and almost lake like. The sea glimmered and sparkled and we all smiled as we held hands and said what a beautiful day it was. And I let the waves of August crash over me. Humbling me. Bringing me back to joy and hope and being full. And my heart bursts at the seams, watching my girl child and boy child dancing in the waves and raising their arms and laughing.
August is full. So very, very full.