Family Updates

On shame, God, and our stories
June 6, 2011 001

{My mom gave me the coffee cup... I think it's perfect}

Just in the past week or so I've had the opportunity to dive into parts of my past - my story - that I haven't talked about in years.

And it feels really good.

It's part of everything that Brene Brown talks about in regards to shame. From her book, The Gifts of Imperfection:

"Shame needs three things to grow out of control in our lives: secrecy, silence, and judgement. Wen something shaming happens and we keep it locked up, it festers and grows. It consumes us. We need to share our experience. Shame happens between people, and it heals between people. If we can find someone who has earned the right to hear our story, we need to tell it. Shame loses power when it is spoken. In this way, we need to cultivate our story to let go of shame, and we need to develop shame resilience in order to cultivate our story."

There are parts of my past that I don't want to look at, that when I do I feel physically sick. But the more I talk about it, the more open and honest I am with others and myself, the less I feel ill.

And honestly, the more I feel so lucky to be alive and sitting here in my yoga pants with my hot tea, feeling the breeze come off the river and listening to my kids gather toys to take on a lake adventure.

I truly believe that someone was/is watching over me. There is no other explanation for how I came through my young adult life relatively unscathed. I've been diving into my Bible more and more, and reading The Book Of Common Prayer daily, and I feel so thankful and close to God. Which is hard for me to say, because I've always been skeptical. I've always felt a little shame, or silly, in believing. But I do.

Looking back there were many points where things could have gone horribly wrong. And they did, somewhat, but I'm still here. I'm here to tell the story that you can come through the dark and find the light and spread it. Bask in it. Feel held and joy and break down the barriers of judgement and shame, and love life.

And yes, I believe a lot of the credit goes to God.

Just saying that lifts a weight off of my shoulders...

Bask in your light today. It's there. Always.