Over the weekend we picked out a Christmas tree. Fynn is so very into all things Christmas this year, and inspected each tree that Lucas held up for viewing. He said yes to every one, while Paige screamed "NOOO!!!!" and nearly threw herself on the ground in a hissy fit at every single tree. Until we got to the very expensive trees... which she was happy with... We settled on a modest Balsam Fur that smells like December. It has been decorated in our hodge podge style by little hands. Four years worth of hand made ornaments and baby's first and and memories and breaths of life.
And while I said I wouldn't start packing until after the holidays, I'm finding myself swept away into the urgency of sorting and organizing and decluttering... the background of this Christmas season. I don't want to say too much, but we found an apartment that we {I... } love that we are hoping to make ours, but the process is not there yet. But I will say this, I can see a harbor from the front yard... and smell the ocean. So there's that in the back of my head...
I'm trying to lean into the season at hand to keep my feet on the ground in front of the tree, and my mind in the memories of Christmases past and thinking of my baby Fynn in a Santa outfit on his first Christmas, and my baby Paige smiling in her red dress and stocking feet...
I'm trying to live in run on sentences full of joy and tear filled happy moments that never end.
The Volvo got packed up this morning, and the kids and I took a car load of stuff to the Salvation Army. I got the decluttering bug as soon as I hopped out of the shower today, and set to work. The clearing of stuff is leaving more room for the moments that are in front of us. In a way, I've been doing this all year. Sorting and reorganizing and re-prioritizing and throwing away and making room and creating new. And I can see and feel the progress that has been made, and see what still needs to be done. For all that, my heart is lighter, and somehow fuller.
I'm staring at the Christmas tree, and the multitude of hand made and kid placed and colored lights {we're colored light people... always!} and the crooked star. This is what I've made room for. What we will always have room for. This... I can lean into this.
