Truthfully, I don't like surprises.
Well, I do... but not if I'm already anticipating that something is up.
I don't like not knowing, I don't like the unknown.
Given this, when I was pregnant with Fynn we decided that we wouldn't find out if our little Murphy {a term of endearment given to said child by my mother... } was a he or a she.
And everyone who knew me, who really knew me, was shocked and a little disturbed that we wouldn't find out. That I would chose to have a surprise in my life.
But here's the thing, it's a surprise whenever you find out. Whether halfway through the pregnancy, or at the end. It's something you have no control over, so really, no matter the timing, it is the only true surprise in life.
As the months passed, we stuck by our initial decision. There were a few opportunities to find out, but each time an ultrasound tech asked if we wanted to find out what we were having we'd hold hands and say no. We'd turn our heads from the glow of the monitor when the money shot came up. We'd smile at each other, and in my head I'd tell myself I already know. It's a baby... what more could we ask for?
For months coworkers told me I wouldn't be able to hold out. Friends who knew what a planner I am worried it was driving me crazy to be purchasing green and yellow. We didn't receive many clothes at our baby shower because people don't like to buy gender neutral items.
But every time I would go to Babies R Us or a little baby boutique, I thumbed through the tiny yellow and green options, rubbing my belly, smiling. It didn't matter. This baby, this tiny thing that we created, I knew and adored. I knew he or she could feel my love, could recognize my voice and Lucas's voice, could bond and grow and bask in our love.
And then the night came. Water broke, a hasty shower was taken, and the road to the hospital was sped down. A few short hours later our baby was here, and the last thing on my mind was what he or she was. Because I knew.
We held him, kissed his tiny head, swaddled and nursed him.
He was ours.
Our little surprise, our little Fynn.
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Please visit Jo at Mylestones for more Flashback Fridays! This weeks prompt is surprise. Next week is Musical Memory, won't you join us?
