I'm on the elliptical tonight for the first time... in a long time. My first workout in a year.
I exercise all the time, but not in the formal work out way. I chase toddlers on a playground, run around in circles through our apartment with them, I go on hikes and take walks on the beach. Working out, per say, gives me the shakes. But seeing how for the past 26 days I've eaten Twizzlers and chocolate instead of guzzling my weight in wine {you'd think they'd have been equal in caloric intake, but apparently not!} my pants are yelling and screaming at me to get to the gym.
There's three treadmills to my left, and two other ellipticals on my right. A middle aged man huffs and puffs his way over to the treadmill next to me, pointing to the TV screen ahead of us which is showing recaps of downhill ski races in Vancouver.
"Man those boys move fast, that must be Miller"
I nod my head, and turn up my mp3 player.
I was a little girl alone in my little world who dreamed of a little home for me.
I played pretend between the trees, and fed my houseguests bark and leaves, and laughed in my pretty bed of green.
My playlist is not typical for the gym. I set my pace to Sara Groves and Priscilla Ahn. Their music is steady, moody, full of emotion though hardly booty shaking.
I had a dream
That I could fly from the highest swing.
I had a dream.
Another sweats clad resident comes in from the cold, and makes his way to the elliptical next to me. He starts talking to the huffer and puffer. Over me, about speed. Exhilaration on the slopes. About the need to go fast to win.
Priscilla sings to me sweetly, slowly
Long walks in the dark through woods grown behind the park, I asked God who I'm supposed to be.
And they continue. Talking over me, and over my music. I close my eyes and listen.
The stars smiled down on me, God answered in silent reverie. I said a prayer and fell asleep.
It takes time, but my body gets in a rhythm and I zone into the words and out of the space I'm in. Slowly, steadily, my legs keep a pace I know is not record breaking, but it sooths.
I had a dream
That I could fly from the highest tree.
I had a dream.
I'm here for the Zen workout. To feel my body move, and my heart beat. For energy that's been lost along the way.
They talk about speed, they talk about winning, they talk about strategy.
I step off the elliptical after twenty minutes {not bad for the first time in a year... } stretch and put my sweatshirt on. I open the door, and the cold air hits face and my breath is taken away. Cold air into hot lungs, my body stops and takes a moment to adjust.
I've done the race. I've lived for the thrills, the best, the fastest, and it got me nowhere.
I had a dream
That I could fly from the highest tree.
I had a dream.
I'll take slow and steady. And my twenty minutes of a mindful workout.
*Lyrics from Priscilla Ahn's "Dream"