This is my workspace. Every morning I sit and evaluate what's on my to do list. I read a daily meditation from Frederick Buechner's Listening to Your Life. I write morning pages in my journal. I read from the Bible. I knit. I pray. I answer emails and check Facebook. I try to avoid most of the news.
Recently I've felt a shift in me. I'm yearning for authenticity {I've used that word frequently here}, and I'm having trouble finding it from myself here in this space at times. Yes, what's here is truth. But I'm finding myself second guessing what I'm posting, wondering if anyone will like it. I'm finding myself thinking about things I don't like to think about, that hinder the creative process.
So today, I'm going to take the pressure off. I'm turning the comments off on my blog.
And I might turn them back on at some point, but right now, they're off.
I'm not trying to be elitist, or snotty. This has nothing to do with YOU but everything to do with ME and my heart and my need to have a place to put out there whatever moves me, and not think about reactions.
Another aspect to this is that while I wholehearted appreciate and understand the need for dialog with blogs, I've never felt comfortable jumping in on the comments here to keep conversation going. I'd much rather - just as in my daily life - have an intimate one on one conversation. Via email. Via phone. Via Skype. I feel like there are so many ways to make this blogging thing personal, to have those connections, not just in the comments. I want genuine connections, and I feel that those happen in many, many different ways.
I hope if something moves you you'll email me. Any time. {crnnoel at gmail dot com} Or reach out on Facebook, or if you want to talk, I'll gladly give you my phone number or Skype name :)
But I want to take the pressure off.
So it's off.
And I'm breathing in and out deeply, as this step is not altogether easy, but it's completely necessary for me.
{one last note... if you've ever commented here... chances are your blog is in my google reader. Know that I'm still reading, always. I read mostly on my phone these days, and while it's not conducive to commenting... I still read your posts. I will continue to comment when I can, but know that I'm giving you the same respect you've always given me. I'm reading. I'm hearing you. I'm here. xoxo}