When I turned twenty a weird thing happened to me. It seemed like every couple days I would feel sudden panic. I would sweat, shake, feel like I was going to pass out, and I wanted to get out of wherever I was quickly. I hated it but had no idea what it was.
After a couple weeks of dealing with it I realized I was having panic attacks. I stopped smoking cold turkey because smoking seemed to trigger them. And I turned to God who I had always believed in but had strayed far away from.
Now I am thirty and still deal with them every so often. Over the years I have learned how to breath, focus, and just not become overwhelmed by them. I still hate them but everyone has a cross to bear in life and this just seems to be mine.
It's weird because as much as I hate dealing and living with anxiety I think that it has been great in my relationship with God. The last couple months I have strayed and have been dealing with issues that have been overwhelming like feeling like a horrible mom, feeling like I can't get control of my life, and letting worry run me over and trample me.
So last Wednesday I was sitting in my truck at a light listening to the Christian radio we have here in Houston (KSBJ). They were talking about how there were people in the bible that were stuck at this mountain and were finally told by God that they had to figure out a way to get around it. To not just sit down and let it stop them in their tracks but figure out a way to beat it and get over it. Then they started talking about the mountains in their own lives and how God doesn't want that. How he doesn't want us to be stopped by anything that would keep us from doing what he wants us to do.
Anxiety is my mountain. My life is good. I have a great husband who has a great job and a son that I adore. But when anxiety rears it's ugly head I get stopped in my tracks and I feel the weight of the world sitting on my shoulders.
That is when I realized that my God is so much bigger than my problem. That instead of focusing on the problem that I needed to just focus on him and let him deal with it. I guess this is what it means to cast all your worries upon him. I realized that I have been so focused on my anxiety that I haven't stopped to ask God to just take it out of my life. When I start to worry about something instead of turning my focus on God I have been focused on all the horrible things that could come from what I was worried about.
But ever since I heard that message I have turned my focus and my prayers to God. I have felt so much peace and no anxiety since. I am not on medcine for it because I don't always have it in my life. I will go months without feeling anxious but when it does come it is overwhelming. But not any more. I REFUSE to let this be a mountain that I can't get over.
I know that I will still with anxiety. That one day for no reason at all I will feel nervous and like I don't want to do anything but sit on the couch and watch The Bachelor until it passes. But I won't. I will just turn my focus to God and let him deal with it. It is so much easier that way!
I want to know what brings you to God? Is it anything specific?