Today we took the kids to The Discovery Museum. It's a little bit of a hike for us, but we were all aching to get out of the house, and we didn't want the crowds that we figured the big city museums would have today. So we headed west, where the world moves at a slightly slower pace, perfect for a rainy Sunday.
As soon as we walked in the door we were greeted by an expansive train table, which Fynn was magnetically drawn. Lucas stayed with him as Paige and I explored the three floors of fun. A water table, old fashioned diner set up, a safari room, and much more.
Paige and I don't get to spend much time just the two of us. When we do, she holds on tighter than I expect. When it's just Paige, she holds back a little. Often she stands and observes the world around her, waiting for the nudge. Waiting for a big brother to come and show her what's okay to play on, what's good for exploring. She waits to see what roads he'll pave for her. When she needs to do the paving, she hesitates. She scrutinizes everyone within eyesight. Reads people and places before she takes one step. Eventually she'll dive in, but it takes her a while to test the waters, however warm and comfortable.
I get it.
More than I care to admit, I get it. I, too, wait for someone to pave the way, to make the road a little less bumpy, before I head down it myself. I watch instead of participate.
A lot.
I'm not one for New Years Resolutions. They always end up being a piece of paper crumpled and thrown aside within the first two weeks of the new year. A list of unreasonable goals and expectations. But this coming year, I vow to make changes. To be a participant. To nudge myself when necessary, and pave my own way. It's possible, and reasonable. I want to show, especially my daughter, that she doesn't need anyone to pave her way. That she can have faith in herself and that she can reach whatever stars she desires.
This year we will make things happen. With faith, dreams, and a joyful spirit, I will be an active participant in my life.